Walking into the girls room this morning, I’m greeted by cheesy grins off both babies peeking over their cots. They have no idea of the horror that has unfolded in Manchester last night, no idea of how much this affects their future, no idea of how scared I am as their Mother for what their future holds. Choosing to become a Mother I pledged to provide, guide and fiercely protect my children with all my being, but how can you protect without stopping their freedom. The protective Mother part of me wishes I could wrap my babies in cotton wool and never let them out of my sight, but then what life are they going to lead? I want my girls to have the freedom I enjoyed as a child to play outside until it’s dark, to walk to the park without an adult, but sadly this is not going to be a reality for my girls it has been taken away from them. We now live in an angry world, a world where people carry out atrocities in the name of religion trying to spread fear so we follow their beliefs. It’s scary I genuinely wonder what future my girls have, what world they will be growing up in. And then I feel huge guilt for brining them into this world not knowing what their future will be and how secure their freedom will be. I feel helpless that I can’t change the world to protect them, that I can’t change the world to be a kinder more understanding place. Then I realised that yes I can’t change the world around them, sadly there is evil and evil people but I can change how I raise them. I can change how I teach them and nurture them. I wont allow my daughters to feel fear, to be wary of people because of their religion or how they dress. I will teach them to choose love, choose kindness, chose friendliness and compassion. If I can’t change the world my daughters have come into then I can teach them to see the good in people. The only way we can defeat this evil is to ensure the next generation are kinder, that their evil acts have not tainted our children, that our children have not grown up in fear and have had the strength, power and freedom to live normal happy lives. These evil people want hatred, fear and anger they want to restrict our freedom. Well for my daughters I choose love, hope, freedom and joy. They will never win.
So yeah I’m new to blogging, this is in fact my first blog and to be totally honest the first piece of writing apart from boring work emails I have written since school, so bear with me if my grammar is wrong (thank god for spell check). Who the hell am I? I’m Nicola 29 (not sure how that happened I still feel 18) and I am married to Simon literally the best husband ever (sorry ladies he is taken) we have two perfect little miracle babies, identical daughters Alissi and Ilaria and our big lovable fur baby Oscar. By day I’m a charity shop manager although I am currently loving life on maternity leave, dread the day I have to go back, been a lady of leisure quite suits me!
I have started this blog because of the huge response from my followers on Instagram who are wanting support, hope and advice regarding IVF, Endometriosis and Polycystic ovarian syndrome and also to keep up to date with my life and journey. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis aged 23 after surgery, it only took me since puberty for someone to listen and believe that something more was wrong than bad menstrual pains! I was told by my surgeon that if me and my hubby wanted children we would need to act fast for the best chances. Queue hubby and I starting on a five-year journey to become parents. Our journey led us down the crazy, stressful and totally emotion destroying path of IVF. During our first batch of tests where hubby has to ahem, do it in a pot and I was scanned from every angle it became clear that I also have polycystic ovarian syndrome, double whammy endo and PCOS! We started IVF and I was totally certain it was going to work even though all my family especially my hubby was telling me to take it a step at a time. But no, jeeze who are you kidding this is me Nicola I’m a Taurus im stubborn and the biggest dreamer ever! I had picked the pram I wanted the most gorgeous single pram, I had the nursery designed the works. It didn’t work for us first time and that’s when I found comfort in other people’s struggles and journeys on Instagram. Lucky for us our second cycle of IVF worked, and worked in style! Amazing us with identical twins which we are so thankful to have in our lives. And well been a twin Mumma is a whole new ball game and I am only now twelve weeks in finding my feet (and actually been able to wash my hair).
Hence this blog, it’s a place for people going through IVF wanting support, ladies with endo and PCOS who want to share experiences and gain advice and its also for the parents of twins who like me are totally outnumbered by babies and need a few laughs at my new Mum mistakes (trust me there will be a few). I don’t know all the answers and don’t claim to but I found comfort in other people’s stories and I hope at least one person will find hope and comfort in mine.
So please feel free to share, comment discuss and get involved.